Another Miscarriage

I had a somewhat difficult welcome to Switzerland. I had found out a few weeks before coming that I was pregnant. All my pregnancy tests were very faintly positive and when I went in to the doctor, it was too early to find a heartbeat or see anything on ultrasound. So, they did a pregnancy test which came up abnormally light. 

This is my fourth miscarriage since having Sam. Before my last miscarriage in February (I was 10 weeks along), the same thing happened; my pregnancy hormones were not very strong from the get go. So this time when I took my first pregnancy test at home and it was barely positive, I cried. I had been having cramps from even before I should have started my period and I just knew things weren't right. I was really worried I would miscarry in Switzerland: without a car, alone with Sam, a 20 minute walk from the train let alone another 30 minute walk after the train ride to the hospital, and knowing full well my two sentences of French wouldn't get me very far... All pretty frightening prospects. And that is exactly what happened.

I started spotting the first night just after we arrived at the house. I spotted for about 10 days and then the cramping got incredibly painful and I started losing a worrisome amount of blood and tissue (7.5 weeks along). I was all by myself and couldn't reach either of the two people I had met here to take me to the hospital. Finally, a friend called me back and took me to the hospital while Don stayed home with Sam. My friend, Elodie, translated for me and stayed with me until she had to go to work. Then, her husband came and stayed with me until another friend was able to come.

The doctor was worried about how much blood I'd lost and did several blood tests (3 to be exact - I have to say this for the Swiss - they are thorough. Ouch!) to make sure my hemoglobin levels were ok. If they were too low, they would have done an emergency D and C but they were in a safe range so they sent me home.

Friday, I had a follow up appointment and I was considering not going because with my travel insurance, going to the hospital is painfully expensive. I felt obligated to go, though, since a friend was driving a long distance to take me. It was a good thing I went because my blood test showed that my pregnancy hormones were going up rather than down like they should and when I had an ultrasound, the doctor said the tissue looked "diseased" and she wanted to perform an emergency D and C. 

So, I sent Sam and my friend Diane home and waited alone at the hospital 'til it had been six hours since I'd eaten and then I had surgery. I recovered for a few hours and then Diane took me home after midnight. I had anticipated being at the hospital for an hour and half and 10.5 hours later, I went home. It was lonely and stressful . I couldn't communicate with any of the nurses (all but one only spoke French) but I learned more French in that short time when I was forced to communicate than during the rest of the time I've been here.

The most distressing situation was the difference in modesty. I'm not a very prudish person about nakedness but I found the total disregard for privacy very unnerving at the time and slightly funny in retrospect. When I was getting ready for my ultrasound, the doctor and intern apologized that they didn't have a place for me to change and then they both just stood there while I took off my pants and walked over to the chair. They watched me awkwardly pull myself up into the tall chair and put my feet into the stirrups. Then, when I was getting ready for surgery, the nurse told me in French to strip and get in the gown and then stood there two feet in front of my - holding the gown. So, what choice did I have? I stripped! As I was getting prepared for surgery, the anesthesiologist just pulled down my gown in front of a room full of nurses, exposing my bare breast, and stuck on a bunch of heart rate monitors. Wow. Special times. 

They were worried that the pregnancy may be ectopic because I had a strange increase in pregnancy hormones but I found out Friday that it wasn't. Now, I'm just fighting with the hospital and the insurance to try to get my bills paid. So frustrating but hopefully it will be over soon.

Despite this experience being incredibly difficult, particularly because we're in another country, don't have a car, don't speak the language, don't have our tight-knit network of people close by, I feel so blessed. This trial has strengthened me spiritually and I have felt my Heavenly Father's love for me so strongly so many times. Even when I was physically very alone, I felt loved and like He was watching over me. So many people who hardly know me have dropped everything to help me. I am filled with gratitude for the support of the ward here and for the love and comfort I've been given. I feel so blessed to have one beautiful, healthy child and to have Don by my side. God is good and people are good and I am so grateful.